Family Conflict: Tips for Managing Tensions Around Senior Care

With one in four Americans serving as caregivers for elderly parents, it's no wonder that more families are turning to formal senior care.

However, discussing these options can be an emotionally charged and challenging conversation, often fraught with conflict. Without a clear plan, you risk both your loved one missing out on critical care and the emotional burden falling on you for longer than necessary.

Luckily, you're not alone in navigating this difficult journey. Here are our tips for managing family conflict and ensuring your loved one receives the care they deserve.

Be Prepared

The key to managing family tensions around seniors is planning ahead. Once your parent reaches a certain age, it's time to discuss care options with your siblings and have a clear plan in place.

It's important to make sure that caring for your parents doesn't fall onto one sibling's shoulders, because they could grow resentful. To avoid future rifts, call a family meeting to discuss the details of care so that everyone understands and agrees on their role moving forward.

At a minimum, your parents should have designated powers of attorney for both healthcare and finances, along with a completed will, and other necessary legal documents. All siblings should be aware and agree with the chosen plan.

What to Do if Siblings Disagree

Disagreements over senior care are inevitable as life often throws unexpected challenges our way. When this happens, it's important to be respectful and keep calm while working towards a solution. Here's how to navigate these tough decisions properly.

Start the Conversation

Schedule a family meeting between you and your siblings to start the conversation. You may not want your parents there initially so that you can discuss their care thoroughly. Choose a quiet public spot like a coffee shop or, if you live in a different state, arrange a virtual meeting instead.

Listen Without Interruption

You may all feel frustrated, but it's crucial that you listen and avoid interrupting each other because everyone should feel heard. Even if you disagree, wait for them to finish and respectfully state your point.

A good tip is to use "I" statements as it takes ownership of your perspective rather than making an accusation. For instance, say "I feel" or "I believe" rather than pointing the finger at your sibling.

Create a Caregiving Plan

Develop a clear caregiving plan that details the roles of each family member and daily routines. Having a structured plan reduces the risk of family conflict and keeps everyone accountable. But make the plan flexible enough to meet the changing demands of your elderly parent.

Seek Mediation

Resolving family conflict can feel impossible, so seek outside help. This could be a social worker, therapist, or a professional mediator who has experience in elder care. Aside from offering emotional support to families, the mediator will offer a neutral perspective and help foster productive conversations about senior care.

What to Do if Elderly Parents Resist Care

You'll need different caregiver communication tips when dealing with senior care disagreements. Regardless of how frustrated you feel, be respectful and avoid pushing your parent to do something they don't want to do. Adult children should also:

Be Patient

Choosing the right senior care plan will take time and the conversations surrounding it will become repetitive. The key is to be patient and calm until you both reach a decision. If the discussion is fruitless, take a step back and return to it later on when everyone is ready.

Listen

Listen to your elderly parent and hear what they want. Give them a chance to air out any worries or share their preferences about the senior care community. As the child, your goal is to understand their wants and needs so that they have control over the final decision.

Discuss Care Options Together

Once you understand your parents' needs, research senior care options together. Decide whether they want to stay at home or move into a senior living community where they receive around-the-clock care. Communities are often the better bet because seniors can meet like-minded people and still enjoy their independence.

It's a good idea to schedule a tour with one or two nearby senior living communities. Elderly parents often have an outdated view of what to expect, so a visit will highlight the perks and show that it's a fantastic environment to live in.

Involve a Healthcare Professional

Elderly parents sometimes find it easier to discuss their issues with a healthcare professional as they are neutral and can provide emotional support for families. Arrange an appointment where your elderly parent can learn more about what they need and potentially sway them if they are against it.

An advantage of bringing in a healthcare professional is that they are equipped to handle these difficult conversations so that your loved one receives the best possible care.

Many struggling families contact a geriatric care manager who are often social workers or nurses who understand what seniors need. While they don't provide hands-on care, geriatric care managers create personalized care plans for seniors so they maintain a great quality of life.

If that doesn't work, consider booking an appointment with a counselor so that their

Don't Forget Self-Care

Although it sounds counter-productive, caring for yourself means you can look after your parents. Remember, you can't force your loved one(s) to seek senior care, so understand your limits and step away if you need to. Try not to feel guilty and know that you can always approach your elderly parent(s) again further down the line.

Avoiding Family Conflict Around Senior Care Today

Now that you have tips to add to your arsenal, it'll be easier to ease or avoid family conflict when you discuss senior care.

For seniors in Burlington, WI, Arbor View is the ideal choice for retirement living. Our friendly assisted living community features skilled staff and a cozy, inviting atmosphere. Let us help your loved one enjoy their golden years.